There are places in the memory of my life that are so sad, so full of pain and loss that I cannot bare to look into their darkness. They are there, those voids that punctuate my self knowledge. Occasionally they force themselves to be reckoned with. A song will bring them, A fragrance or a chill in the air.
Suddenly I am in the past and it is as visceral and real in it's wounding as if it just happened. When I understood that my first husband hated me. When my lover died of cancer. Every time I had to watch my son get on a plane. Even the memory of it stings afresh. I can leave it in the dusty unvisited places of my mind but they come to me like ghosts still.
That vulnerable, broken part of who I am is a terrible place for me. Those hurtful memories are my kryptonite. I could still be that crushed soul. I could still be afraid of life if I didn't have your love.
Your tender kindness rescued me from my personal despair. You were my lifeline when I sobbed even while I slept, you just watching me, just there. You my silent patient sentinel of my pain.I didn't love you then the way I do now. I couldn't with that abused and broken heart.
Thank you.
Thank you for encompassing me with your love when I had none worth giving. Thank you for forgetting my insecurity and only recalling my strengths. Thank you for carrying me when I couldn't or didn't want to go on. Thank you for letting my love have a reason; for letting what I had to give you be, not only enough but what you wanted.
Your devotion to me has inspired me to a passion for you I never thought possible. You made me feel I was worth the wait.
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